I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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