the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
