why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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