That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
