I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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