I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
