Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
