if i can run in heels then i can drive
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
