and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
