Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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