tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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