Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
