My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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