and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
