rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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