According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
