Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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