My friends, they love my intelligence
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
