When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
