Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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