I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
