I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
