i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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