Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
