they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
