im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
