I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
