I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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