I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This is classic penis vs brain.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
