Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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