Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize