so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
