He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
