This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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