i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
