9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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