I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
