I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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