I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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