Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize