i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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