we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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