I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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