My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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