its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize