i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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