I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
