I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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