sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
did you just send me my own nude
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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