Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
