he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
