Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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