he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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