...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
