im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
