I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
