Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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