I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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