went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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