i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
