You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
