none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
