Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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