How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
