My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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