don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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