So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
