do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
