There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
