he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do vagina's smell?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
