it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
