mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
