brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
