there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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