I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
