I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
