He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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